Ok. I am finally going to come to terms with a big part of me.
I have forever and always said “I don’t want to get married and I don’t want to have kids…”
I have never lied more in my life. I think that’s exactly what I want. Let’s go ahead and recap what has made me start thinking about this:
Both of my best friends from high school are now engaged. Every other female on my lifeguard staff is engaged. Hearing people talking about their weddings and life plans are making me really start to think…
I’m mostly afraid of getting married. I’m afraid of waking up one day and having my significant other just being completely bored with me. I know that they say that’s a risk that you have to take or that it doesn’t happen like that if you’re really in love. I’m afraid of giving myself so fully to another person and allowing them to have the ability to crush me so completely. It’s a scary thought. Then there’s this extreme feeling of jealously when my friends get engaged…I don’t know where it comes from, but it is a bitch to deal with. I think it stems from the jealousy that they learned how to trust someone enough to want to live their life with them and share everything with no hesitation. It also means that they won’t ever have to sleep alone again if they don’t want to and they always have someone to fall back on, no matter how bad things may be… At this point in my life, no one has really proven that they can be there for me all the time. I had so many backs turned on me when I fell into my dark place senior year of high school. I’m having backs turned on me now that I’m not fitting in with my friends lifestyle plans. Married/engaged people don’t want to hang out with their friends that are single and have no kids.
I like to say I’m not having kids because I have constantly been told its impossible to conceive. Woohoo. My lady parts only pretend to work. They normally give me stabbing pain and grief. Even as I think about it now, I know I do want to try to have kids in the future, but right now is not the time for me. There’s no way I would be able to give care to a child… Im still a kid myself and i would probably win the award for shittiest parent alive. I feel like if i try though the chances that i fail is high and i don’t want to be constantly disappointed. When I get settled into my career and such, then maybe, but until then I need to stay baby free.
shortformblog:
thepoliticalnotebook:
Shaima Alawadi, a 32-year-old Iraqi woman living in Southern California, was taken off life support today, succumbing to injuries sustained in a brutal tire iron beating on Wednesday. Shaima was found in her living room, and according to her daughter Fatima and the police investigating, a note was found near her saying “Go back to your country, you terrorist.”
Shaima was a mother of five who has been in the US with her family since the mid-1990s. She was described by her friend Sura Alzaidy as “respectful modest muhajiba.” Her daughter tearfully addressed her mother’s attackers during a media interview, saying “You took my mother away from me. You took my best friend away from me. Why? Why did you do it?”
[Daily Mail; AFP]
[H/T: thatsassyarab]
A terrible incident that more people should know about. This happens in our country. This should not happen.
This is like a week now that I haven’t quite felt like myself…
SOMEONE NEEDS TO GIVE ME A SWIFT KICK IN MY ASS AND TELL ME TO GET ON MY SHIT BRO.
Please && thank you.
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